It’s common to look back on our childhood and identify how our parents shaped our current struggles. "If only they had done this differently," or "They should have known better," are the blame games that can become traps hindering our own progress.
To move forward, shift your perspective and remember your parents are human, too. They didn't have a guidebook on how to raise you perfectly; they navigated life and parenting with their own back stories, fears, societal pressures, and limitations. This brings us to a common belief that shapes our understanding of motherhood and fatherhood.
PARENTAL MYTH
We often hold parents to a high standard, expecting them to transcend their humanity when they become mom and dad. We forget that, while raising us, they were young adults themselves—dealing with financial stress, career uncertainty, unresolved childhood trauma, and exhaustion.
REMEMBER THIS:
Mom and Dad made decisions based on the information available to them at the time.
They loved you in the only ways they knew how to love.
They likely did their best within their capabilities and understanding. It may not have been perfect, but it was the best they could offer. With this context, we see how holding onto blame can shape our perspective moving forward.
BLAME GAME
Holding onto blame can provide an explanation for our pain. However, blame keeps us stuck in the past, making us victims of our circumstances. It prevents us from committing to the necessary changes in our present lives. When we dwell on what our parents should have done, we miss the opportunity to ask ourselves, "What can I do now?"
Letting go of blame isn't about minimizing pain; it's about embracing the reality that flawed people raised you. This acceptance leads to empathy, personal liberation, and true ownership of your present.
Let’s work to break inherited cycles without requiring our parents to apologize or change. In doing so, we build healthier relationships and extend grace to ourselves and to our parents.
JUST SO YOU KNOW
Your parents are human, flawed, and imperfect. Accepting this truth is a powerful act of self-care. Challenge yourself to let go of blame, choose healing, and actively shape a future defined by your choices rather than by past wounds.